So, how are classes going...

Recently we received a message from a concerned parent asking if we knew the best approach for getting class information out of a student. Below you will find Assistant Dean Mike Stearney’s response, we hope you find it helpful.
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I'll try to respond both as a university representative but also as a parent myself with two sons of my own in college, one a freshman and one a sophomore.

First off, the official and obligatory caveat: There is a federal law known as the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) that gives students certain rights to privacy with respect to their educational records. FERPA prevents the university from disclosing any student educational records to anyone, including parents, without the student's express written consent. You can read all about that at on the Dean of Students Web site, but I don't think that FERPA is really at the heart of your question. I think what you really want to know is, how can I get my daughter to talk to me more openly about her classes and the academic part of her college experience?

There is no easy answer to this question. It depends on a lot of things, including how openly and frequently you communicate with your daughter in general, what her past experience has been when she shared information with you about her academics (i.e., rewarded, punished, supported, judged, etc), who's paying the tuition bill, and if it’s you, how much you want to leverage that...

What I think we want to do as parents is open up a dialogue that is based on our genuine interest in this part of our child's college life, but be careful not to be too overbearing or judgmental about what we might find out when we start having these conversations. Consider the following:

1) For many students, handling their academic life on their own is another part of their transition to independence. They really want to prove to themselves (and to you) that they can do this; make good decisions about classes, apply skills and knowledge learned in high school, discipline themselves to study, etc. So out of some respect for that, you might have to settle for less frequent and less detailed information about class performance. When my sons were in high school, I saw them doing homework every night (or not), I went to parent-teacher conferences at least once a year, I asked them pretty regularly about their classes and assignments (they mostly answered with a grunt, but if I pressed, I could usually get a little more detail...) and their report cards came in the mail addressed to ME. Since they have been away to college, I have none of this information anymore! But out of trust and respect, I deliberately ask them about their classes a little less frequently and little more generally. Whenever I talk to them on the phone, for example, I'll always ask how classes are going, if they feel like they are on top of things, if they are finding a quiet time and quiet place to study, what kind of assignments they are working on, if they are studying anything in any class that is particularly interesting to them, etc. But as much as I want to know, I don't ask them quiz by quiz, test by test or paper by paper what kind of grades they are getting. Bottom line: I'll take what I can get as far as information from them, and I hope that they will volunteer more when they trust that I am not monitoring them the way I did in high school.

2) Don't assume that your daughter's reluctance to share with you means that things aren't going well. In many college classes, there is much less frequent feedback about performance than students were used to in high school. Many students may have only received one or two grades so far. For some classes, the grades received so far don't even amount to a big percentage of the final semester grade. The lack of communication may simply reflect that there is not much to communicate at this point, or maybe that she really doesn't know how she's doing.

3) There are good moments to initiate these conversations, and right now is one of them. Spring registration is starting today for seniors, and freshmen will be registering toward the end of next week. Good conversation-starters include asking your daughter what kind of classes she is considering for spring term, if she plans to take the same number, more or fewer credits/classes in the spring, if she will be looking for any particular kinds of classes for spring semester (maybe classes with more term papers and fewer tests, or particular instructors that she wants to take more classes from, or that she has heard are really good). Any questions that just get her talking about the academic part of her college experience opens a dialogue, and can give you some insights.

4) Sometimes, things really aren't going so well; maybe her attendance has been sporadic, maybe a few grades were lower than expected, or maybe she really is in way over her head in a class.... so you have to be prepared for how you're going to respond to this if she opens up and shares this with you. Showing support, encouragement and confidence in her ability to face adversity are really good responses. Suggesting to her that she might want to talk to an advisor is often better than giving her advice yourself, because that way, she maintains control of the situation. And you know with young adults that so often, it’s all about control...

5) If you still aren't getting anywhere and you really feel that you need to push it, you can firmly and respectfully express the sentiment that if you're going to be paying the tuition bill, you're going to need to know a little more about how things are going in classes. If you want, you can push that all the way to asking her to sign a FERPA release (Word doc). But this is a recourse of last resort, because it will likely be interpreted as "heavy-handed", threatening and distrustful. It could end up having an effect that is exactly the opposite of what you had hoped for.

I wish I had more specific suggestions for you-- but I hope this at least gives you something to think about. Good luck! We're all in this together! Let me know how things work out for you.

Mike S

Michael Stearney
Assistant Dean for Enrollment and Academic Services
UW-Green Bay